


Unwilling and Unaware

by Dreamer1333



Series: Liam mpreg One Shots [15]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Harry, Bottom Liam, Infertility, Liam-centric, M/M, Marriage, Mpreg, Not Famous, Relationship Problems, Top Harry, Top Liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 10:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6420172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamer1333/pseuds/Dreamer1333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam and Harry have been trying for years to get pregnant, but nothing is working, that is until Harry and his doctor suggest getting Liam tested for the carrier gene. He reluctantly agrees and when it comes back positive it destroys his and Harry's marriage. </p><p>In the middle of a divorce and aching for his husband, Liam is willing to do anything to get his hubby back even if it means doing something the very thing that had he had refused to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unwilling and Unaware

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted on my Wattpad account, vampangel1d.

"There has to be something wrong with me. I should be pregnant by now. We've been trying for two years," Harry cries as we walk into the doctor's office. Bags are under his eyes and all the light in them has now disappeared. 

We have been trying for so long to get him pregnant after we found out he is a carrier, but nothing we do works. Every test that he takes comes back negative, we've tried several cheaper treatments, but nothing works. Now entering his doctor's office to find out some tests to find out why and if he will ever be able to carry our baby both our hearts ache.

"Mr. Harry Payne," a friendly nurse calls his name just ten minutes after we had sit down. 

We both rise and move silently to follow her down the hall, his hand entangled in mine as he fears for what the doctor may have to say.

The usual questions are asked and vitals are checked along with his weight before she slips out the examination room promising that the doctor shall be in shortly.

As we wait Harry and I snuggle into each other leaning into each other for comfort. Neither of us say a word, unable to and terrified to. 

"Good afternoon Harry and Liam," his doctor greets us a saddened smile on her face, making my heart sink. She is not here to deliver any good news.

"Why can't I carry a baby?" Harry asks cutting straight to the chase his voice cracking as he speaks.

"Not all carriers are able to carry easily. Some just need some help, but with the help we have already given you I fear that the only way you will be able to carry at all Harry is with thousands of dollars worth of treatments and even with those you have no guarantee. I think it is time you boys stop trying to conceive and start thinking about other options. You have to move on or both your mental health will start to crumble. Getting a negative every time takes a lot out of you both and it will only stop you from moving on. You could consider adoption or having somebody else carry the baby. Have you been tested for the carrier gene, Liam?" the doctor's question cuts me off guard. Why would I need to be tested? I never bottom, it scares me to bottom and I'm not comfortable with it. It seems too painful, and even if I were a carrier I don't want to go through what I have seen Harry go through for the past two years.

"No, I haven't, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with being tested. I have a fear of being on the bottom and I don't know how to feel about the idea of swelling up with a baby inside me," I reply hesitantly my arms disappearing from around Harry and wrapping around myself insecurely.

"Liam, please, do this for us. You might not even be a carrier, but I want to know for it is our chance to have a baby that will be a mix of us. Please, Liam, do it for me," Harry pleads pulling my hands away from the safety of the nook between my elbows and clutching them in his. Tears are running in his cheeks, and his green eyes are alight with renewed hope.

"O-Okay, but I can't promise you anything, Haz," I give in unable to be the one to put the light out of his eyes.

"Good choice Liam, and I promise you it is something you won't regret. It's a really quick test. I just need to draw some blood and then I'll run it down to the lab and do it myself. It shouldn't take any longer than twenty minutes," she assures me as she heads over to the cupboard to get the things she needs. 

I clutch onto Harry's hand my stomach twisting painfully fearing even the idea. I can't be a carrier, I don't want to be a carrier. Not after Ruth, not after Alan....

I stick out my arm numbly, unable to even process what is going on, not wanting to at all for if I do the memories will come back... the pain will come back... all my walls will fall right back down, walls I have spent years carefully putting up.

I watch with wide eyes, trembling, as she leaves the room with three little vials in her hands. 

As soon as she is out of the room Harry throws his arms around me whispering thank yours in my ear and kissing me over and over again, but all I can do is hold onto him, cling to him as I feel my carefully built walls shake.

Harry keeps happily talking about the possibilities and seeing my stomach swell. Well all I can do is sit there making little noises here and there when necessary. It doesn't take long before the twenty minutes tick by and she has returned with a smile on her face.

"I am happy to report that Liam is a carrier and it seems to be a rather strong one at that, congratulations," she greets us making my entire world feel as though it as crumbled. Tears run down my cheeks as Harry hugs me kissing me all over thrilled!

I don't say a word as we head out or on the way home. I can't and I'm not sure if I have even know how anymore.

Two months later

He leans in kissing along my neck, his hands going down along my waist and cupping my bum. His nibbling making me moan, his kisses makes my body quiver. His fingers dance along my entrance to get me adjusted, but the moment his finger enters him I am flashed back to six years ago and in full blown panic mode. I scream shoving him away with enough force to send him toppling to the floor. I move away from him drawing my legs up to my chest.

"Seriously?! It has been two damn months and this only ends in you getting violent with me! I'm tired of this, Liam. You're not even in this relationship any more. You barely talk to me, you leave our bed half way through the night to go sleep in the guest room and you're grumpy! I hate this! I can't keep doing this!" Harry yells at me as he gets up off the floor his eyes narrowed, "Do you not want a baby or something?"

"No, I want a baby! I just don't want to carry it! Why can't we just adopt?!" I snap back stumbling out of bed. 

"After everything I have been through you can't even try? I can't do this!" he snaps at me stomping out of the room infuriated. 

I sink down to the floor sobbing. I can't carry this baby. I can't do this. I'm just not meant to do this.

The Following Day

"I want a divorce. Here is all the paper work. My bags are packed and I signed the papers they just need your signature. I'll see you in court," Harry's words makes my heart shatter as he slaps down the papers in front of me before leaving the home we had built and the life we had created together.

I rise from the chair I had been sitting in tears falling down my cheeks. 

I have ruined my marriage all due to my cowardness. I have lost everything in my life and it is all my fault. 

Two months later

I have barely left my house having little reason to and little motivation. When I go to lay down in bed all I can think about is the open space beside me. 

I barely speak to anybody, my family included and I know my friends are getting worried. I eat little food and my heart aches feeling as though there is this piece of me that is missing.

The sound of my front door opening doesn't stir me from my spot on my couch where I lay curled up in a ball. 

"Liam?" the sound of Niall's familiar voices makes me peek up over the edge of the couch.

I don't say anything as he comes and settles down beside me his arms wrapping around me.

"Liam, it has been two months. It's time to get moving. You can't keep living like this. Come to my house tonight, Louis and I are throwing a part with a couple close friends. You need to get out and be with people again," he whispers concern in his blue eyes.

"O-Okay, but I need some help getting ready," I reluctantly agree earning me a bright smile from him.

He spends the afternoon with me helping me get ready by picking out my clothes, forcing me to shower and eat something.

By the time eight rolls around we are ready to go and I have laughed more in the past could hours than I have in the past two months combined.

At his Louis' country home the party is already in full swing. There are many familiar faces that I see whom all greet me with hugs and the occasional peck on the cheek. Even with the dancing, the music and laughter in the room I can't relax or smile. What is the point when you have nobody to spend the night with?

Niall hands me a drink demanding that I drink, telling that it will help me relax and loosen up so I can have a little fun.

The only drink quickly turns in three or four and before long I am drunk. I am relaxed and joining in on the laughs before long.

I dance along with my friend Zayn giggling drunkenly and stumbling about. Feeling light for the first time in ages. 

"Liam?" the sound of that familiar voice makes all my fun disappear. I slowly turn to see Harry standing there drink in hand and eyes wide. 

"Hazza?" I whisper torn between stepping closer to him and running runaway so I stand there as though I am some deer caught in the headlights.

"Can we talk?" he asks shocking me.

I nod unable to even speak. He grapes my hand shooting sparks through my body as he guides me to a bedroom for a little privacy.

"You haven't signed the papers," he says as soon as the door is closed behind us and we are both settled onto the bed.

"I can't, I still love you too much to let you go," I whisper tears running down my cheeks.

"I love you too, but we can't keep living the way we did and I can't be with somebody that doesn't want the same thing as I do."

"I'm sorry and I miss you so much, it's just what you want is so much more complicated for me than what you think," I whisper as he tilts my chin up.

"Do you ever think that maybe, it's only complicated because you're letting it be complicated? There is nothing that should be complicated about our love," he whispers pressing his lips against mine eliminating my chance to hesitate or protest.

I find myself leaning into his touch, craving it in anyway possible. He lowers me back down on the bed crawling in between my thighs as he unbutton my shirt kissing down along my chest and abdomen as he does.

He licks down along my waist line before pulling down my jeans and boxers. I reach up tugging his shirt over his head needing to feel his skin against my skin. I fumble to get his jeans undone not caring if he tops or I. I just need him, I need my Hazza back. Forget Alan, forget what happened with Ruth, I need this.

It doesn't surprise me that he doesn't wear any boxers beneath his jeans, as he springs free from their tightness. He flips me onto my belly, spreading my legs and not bothering to stretch me out. He just thrusts into me, slowly, but hungrily. He kisses along my neck sucking at my skin as we both gasp and pant. I dig my fingers into the pillow below me, pain from the past making me cry, but the pleasure of now makes me moan and shake.

I feel him come inside me, filling me with him, but I can't find it in me to care. All that it matters is he is here, we are holding each other again.

Two months later

"Liam, babe, is everything okay?" the sound of Harry's voice from outside the bathroom makes me cry as I vomit again. 

I can't tell him.

I need to end this now.

This can't be happening.

"G-Go away," I call back hating now how he has decided to move back in so we can repair our relationship. As my fear ceases me I don't care about our love or relationship at all. The only thing that matters is that I am pregnant and I have to get rid of it before it is too late and what happened to Ruth happens to me.

The door burst open and the silence that follows alerts me that he has noticed the four pregnancy tests on the counter every single one of them positive.

"You're pregnant... We're going to have a baby," the tears in his voice makes my heart shatter for there is hope there, but he doesn't understand that we can't have this baby.

"We're not having it. I've set up a doctor appointment and I'm getting rid of it," I gasps out as I pull away from the toilet trembling.

"You're killing our baby?" he whispers glancing up from the test tears running down his cheeks.

"No, I'm having an abortion. I can't do this. I'm not suppose to be pregnant," I snap back tears running down my cheeks as I pull myself up from my position. I move past him and to the bedroom snatching my phone up from the nightstand to call an abortion clinic and get in as soon as possible.

"An abortion is killing our baby! You're going to murder our baby after everything we've been though to get it? You bastard! I'm not letting you do this! I won't let you, I've gone through too much for you to just kill our baby! I'm not letting you kill something so innocent and we made out of love!" he yells at me snatching my phone out of my hands and pushing me back onto the bed his own tears cascading down his cheeks as he shakes with anger.

"It's my body! I get to decide what happens, not you! I can't do this, not with what happened! I can't go through what she went through!" I cry dizzily rising from the bed as I try to snatch my phone back.

I stumble from my lack of food, dehydration and sobs. I collapse onto my knees, his arms wrapping around me as I sob.

"What happened, Liam? What happened to who? What has you so scared?" he whispers in my ear as he cradles me close to his chest.

"R-Ruth," I gasps out as he holds me rubbing my back trying to get me to calm down.

"Ruth? Who's Ruth?" he asks the name catching him off guard.

"My sister. S-She got pregnant when she was eighteen, except she miscarried. She started bleeding right there in class in front of everybody. She was humiliated and heart broken. She loved that baby so much, she was eight months when it happened. The baby, Christy, was almost fully developed, but died. It broke her heart and killed her. She committed suicide a year later. She couldn't handle, a-and I can't love something then lose it. I can't do it," I explain sobbing.

"Oh my God... Liam, I didn't know. I just thought... Oh my God, you should have told me. We would have worked through it. Liam, what happened to Ruth was awful, but it doesn't mean it will happen to you. Miscarriages aren't hereditary, it was a horrible tragedy and I promise you it won't happen yo you. We'll take care of you and our baby. We'll watch for any signs, we'll make sure you get all the vitamins, the care and rest you need. You and our baby will be okay. I won't let that happen to you," he holds me close to his chest whispering soothing things in my ear as I sob.

Slowly I begin to breath normally again, and calm down.

"I'll call the doctor's right now. Let's just get you downstairs and some food in your tummy," he pleads with me kissing my forehead. 

"O-Okay, just promise me that you'll stay by my side," I plead as he helps me slowly to my feet.

"Only if you promise me that you'll let me care for you and that you'll care for yourself," he whispers pressing his nose up against mine.

"I-I promise, after all there is a little person that I have to care for now too," I laugh my hands going to rest on my flat belly making him laugh and kiss me.

"Come on, I know you haven't been eating like you should or drinking enough water. Let's get something in you," he replies guiding me down the stairs his hand entangled with mine.

He orders me to sit at the counter while he makes breakfast and calls up our doctor. I rest my cheek against the cool counter top watching with love as he whips up some pancakes, eggs, and toast. Watching him makes me realize that this is something I want, I want to cook breakfast with him, have little ones running about getting ready for school as we prepare lunches, and hurry about trying to get them all ready for school and there on time.

"Good news she can get us in at nine. So eat up, we've got to get going," he smiles at me as we both dig into our meal. 

It feels amazing to have food in my tummy again and I thankfully don't throw it up.

Together we head to the doctors and this time when we enter, there is no sadness. That light in Harry's eyes is back, but I am shaky and we still both cling to each other.

"Liam Payne," the sound of my name being called makes us both rise from our seats. Together we head back hand in hand, clinging onto each other as we head into the examination room that had changed it all.

"Alright Liam, let's get your weight," she smiles at me her smile calming me a little as I step up on the scale. I am a little over 115 pounds, a lot lighter than what I have been in the past.

She takes my blood pressure before having me lay back on the examination table.

"Liam, I'm going to ask you a few questions before the doctor comes in, okay?" she asks as I lay back onto the table. Harry entangles fingers with mine kissing me on the cheek as a silent sign of support.

"How has your morning sickness been?" she begins.

"I've been getting sick for the past two weeks and I'll admit that I probably haven't been eating properly due to it. Will that hurt my baby?" I ask my hand flying to my stomach fearfully.

"No, it should be okay. We'll just get you on a proper diet and get you some medicine that will help with the morning sickness as well as some vitamins that will make sure your baby stays well nourished," she assures me as Harry squeezes my hand to help me stay calm.

"What about stress?" she asks making me sigh.

"We split up a couple of months ago and are working on getting our relationship repaired. Plus the pregnancy and sickness have me a stressed, but I'm doing okay," I reply nibbling at my lip nervously.

"He is also stressed about having a miscarriage. Somebody close him had a miscarriage and committed suicide not long later," Harry speaks up.

"Ruth; the office knows about her case. It was your doctor that was hers as well. I can assure you though that it won't happen to you, it's a risk yes, but it won't happen. Ruth's miscarriage was a result of blunt force to her belly brought on by somebody pushing her down in the hallway at school. It was not an accident and other than that her pregnancy was an excellent one. Don't fret, stress will only elevate your blood pressure which is not good. Your pregnancy will go well," she assures me squeezing my hand before slipping out of the room with a promise of Dr. Lewis joining us shortly.

The new information, all though not good, allows me to relax. It was somebody else's fault, not medicine's or Ruth's. There was nothing wrong with the baby before. 

I relax into the table smiling at Harry with tears running down my cheeks. 

"I'm sorry Liam," he whispers kissing my cheek.

"It's okay, it happens and it's somewhat realizing to know it was not medical reasons or Ruth's error. Or some error of our family," I laugh sipping away my tears as I cling to his hand. 

"Good morning, boys. I'm so happy for you both. Now let's take a look at this long waited for baby, shall we?" she asks coming over to raise my shirt up to reveal my bare belly.

She squirts the gel on my belly before moving the wand across my stomach and begins the search. It doesn't take long to hear a strange thumping noise fill the room.

"There is your baby and I am happy to say that it looks perfectly healthy and so does your womb. I do want to keep you here overnight, just to make sure we get your slightly elevated blood pressure down and to get your food consumption up. You appear a little dehydrated and malnourished, so we'll take care of that over the next couple days to guarantee you a healthy pregnancy. Now come along with me and we'll get you settled into a cozy room," Dr. Lewis explains as Harry cleans the gel up from my tummy and helps me down from the examination table.

Together we follow Dr. Lewis hand in hand. She leads us to a room that is still within her office so that it will be her and her nurses taking care of me.

"Go ahead and get changed into a gown. I'll be right back to start you on an IV to get some vitamins and water in your body. I also want to you to drink some water as well which a nurse will bring you as well. I'll get you started on some medication that will help you with the symptoms of morning sickness and some premarital vitamins," she informs us before leaving the room. 

Harry helps me take my clothes off and get changed into a hospital gown before helping me settle into the bed, pulling the covers up around me. He settles in the chair beside me never losing contact with me.

Not long later I am hooked up to an IV and the nurse has returned with vitamins, medication, forms, water and prescriptions. 

Harry hands me the water while he handles the other stuff and the nurse gives me the medication to help with my nausea before leaving us be after collecting the paper work from Harry.

"Scoot over," Harry orders making me wiggle over allowing me to crawl into the bed with me. I cuddle up against him my muscles relaxing into his touch. 

Five months later

"HARRY! STOP! Get off!" I yell pushing my husband off of my naked body before he can thrust into me. I reposition my legs, rubbing my belly as I shake and cry.

"Liam, this is getting ridiculous. You won't let me have sex with you, like we did that night we made our baby. Liam, what is going on? Why aren't you comfortable being on the bottom unless you're drunk?" Harry asks reaching out towards me as he crawls back onto the bed his hands carefully reaching out for me.

"A-Alan, he ruined it for me," I whisper as he carefully cradles my cheek.

"Alan? The kid from when you were in high school? I thought you two were friends," he asks confused at the mention of the man that I had introduced to him as a friend at my high school reunion. 

"He wasn't a friend. He was an old bully, except it went further than that. Late one night coming home from a party at a friend's house after a party, he jumped me. He pulled me into his car and when I tried to fight he beat me senseless. By the time he was pulling my pants down I was barely able to stay conscious, I wish I had fallen unconscious. He raped me there in his car, under that stupid street light that illuminated his laughing face as I cried and he called me names. Once finished he tossed me out into the street and left me there to be found by a police officer two hours later. By the time it was all over. He had broke my right arm and leg, broke several of my ribs, my nose, gave me a serious concussion and tore me apart horribly down there," I whisper sobs shaking me.

"Liam... Oh my God, come here, baby. We'll take it slow," he coos pulling me into his arms as I tremble. He snuggles into my arms rubbing my bloated belly lovingly making our little one start to stir and kick out a their daddy.

"W-We can try again. J-Just slowly, yeah?" I ask knowing that if I want to ever get past this then I have to be open to doing it again.

"No, not tonight. You've been through too much tonight. Let's just sleep, love. I promise you that we'll take it very slowly and wait until you're ready," he replies wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me down into the pillows pulling the covers up over us both.

We wrap our arms around each other, his hands resting on my stomach as we relax into each others' embrace, dried tears staining my cheeks, but a small smile on my lips knowing I am safe and loved.

Two months later

Pain shoots through my abdomen waking me from my sleep. I moan rolling in closer to Harry pouting. The Braxton hicks are getting to be worse and worse everyday alerting us that it won't be much longer before they turn into full blown contractions.

"Hurting again, love?" Harry asks rolling up close to me wrapping his arms around my belly kissing my neck as I breath through the pain.

"Yeah, they're getting awful. I think I need to walk around a bit," I groan hating the idea, but the pain is getting too intense and the only way it will lessen is if I get up and walk for a while.

"Alright, let's walk down the stairs and around down stairs a little. That will surely help," Harry agrees taking my hand and helping me sit up.

I unsteadily climb out of keeping one hand under my drooping belly while I use the other to push myself up.

Harry comes over grabbing my hands as we walk out our bedroom door. Together we head downstairs taking each step carefully with him in front of me. 

We walk through the living room and into the kitchen when it happens. A little popping sound occurs as another wave of pain hits me making me whimper. 

Harry and my eyes go wide as we look down at the floor where my water had broken before looking back at up at each other in shock.

"I think they're not just Braxton Hicks any more. I'm going to go grab you your bag. Do you want a clean pair of pants?" he asks as he settles me down on the couch.

"Yes, please. I really don't want to go to the hospital looking like I've peed myself," I groan rubbing my tummy as I feel my little one wiggling about making me ache to have him in my arms already.

"Alright, I'll be right back. Just breath," he whispers leaning in to peck my lips before taking off upstairs.

Thankfully no contractions hit me making me wonder if I'm even in labor, but the puddle of water out in the kitchen confirms it.

It doesn't take him long to return with my overnight bag and a fresh pair of pants. I slowly get up letting him come over to me as I brace myself on his shoulders as he pulls my pants down along with my boxers.

I carefully step out of them and with his help pull a new pair of sweat pants on not bothering with any boxers.

We slowly head out to the car taking our time, knowing that we still have several hours before our baby makes their entrance.

He helps me down the steps and holds the car door open for me like a gentlemen before buckling up my seat bell as well.

I relax back into the seat clutching at my stomach as another contraction hits.

Harry climbs and quickly pulls out of the driveway with my doctor already on the phone.

By the time we reach her office my contractions are only about ten minutes apart. I am already ready for this just to be over and to have my baby in my arms.

Dr. Lewis comes out with a wheel chair as both her and Harry help me out of the car. She quickly wheels me in where I spot several nurses getting everything ready. 

Harry helps me unsteadily out of the chair helping me get undressed and put the gown on before resting back in bed.

"Do you want something for the pain? You still have a couple of hours to go before this baby is ready," Dr. Lewis warns me as she checks in between my legs.

"Yes, please, oh God this hurts," I groan as another contraction hits making me break down crying. Harry is right there rubbing my back and thanking Dr. Lewis. 

He helps me roll onto my side, which is proving to be a much more comfortable position. 

When a nurse comes in with the syringe to stick into my spine, I never thought I would be so happy to see that big of a needle.

The process is quick, but even with the pain medication in me everything hurts horribly like I am experiencing the worst stomach cramps in the world.

I curse and sob, begging for the baby to just be out already. Harry and Dr. Lewis remain patient, offering me ice to suck on, holding my hand and rubbing my back. 

Finally after not two, but fours hours, I am finally given the okay to push.

Normally I would be embarrassed to have myself exposed like this with several people watching, but at that moment I don't care. I just want this baby out of me NOW.

Harry clutches my hand, breaths right along with me and accepts every curse I yell at him with an easy smile and a kiss.

Finally cries burst into the room and this tiny little baby is lifted up as it screams at the change of environment.

Harry gets to cut the cord, before our son, yes our son, is taken away to be check over and I am left to push the nasty after birth out.

By the time everything is cleaned up, my baby is weighed in, and measured I am exhausted, but a very happy papa.

The nurse returns with my son wrapped up in a little blue blanket, his bottom diaper caddied and an adorable hat covering his soft brown hair.

I carefully take him into my arms tears cascading into my cheeks as I cry in awe of the sight of my baby.

"Hey there little guy, you have no idea what we have gone through to get you here, but it was all worth it. You're so beautiful and special to me. I'm so sorry I was so scared to carry you in my belly, I would do it a million times over again if I ever had to, and I will spend the rest of my life making up to you my first thoughts. I love you SO, much and I couldn't wish for a better baby," I whisper to him not caring that he can't understand me, I just need to say it. I kiss the top of his little head a bright smile on my face as happy tears fall down my cheeks.

Harry kisses my head lovingly as he leans in his eyes on our little man.

"We're going to have more kids aren't we?" I ask him even though I already know the answer.

"We have to have at least three or it should be four so there is no middle child, but that is only if you carry them," he whispers grinning at me as we both shake with laughter waking our little man.

Whoops...

Neo Payne

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember to leave kudos and comment. I love reading them! :D


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